Fiete’s Brief Attempt at Normality

This thread follows Fiete’s move from the shipyard to night work at Shell and his effort to build ordinary routines, which repeatedly collide with alcohol dependence and his fragile self-control.

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Work at the Shipyard

A Body Spent at Work Industrial Routine Fiete worked amid the noise and hazards of Howaldtswerft Shipyard, where machinery and moving metal seemed to dominate the human workers around them. The death of colleague Kurt Ahlers at the yard prompted a memorial gathering that Fiete attended, though his judgment was clouded by alcohol. He even thought of the dead man’s suffering as deserved, revealing how easily resentment distorted his response to another person’s death. A Narrow Opening The shipyard offered wages but also continued physical wear and exposure to danger. Fiete’s chronic ailments and drinking left him increasingly ill-equipped to sustain such work. When he was later hired as a night watchman at Shell, the change appeared to promise more than a new job: it seemed to offer an exit from the labor and degradation he associated with his former life.

A New Uniform

The Promise of a Different Life Entering City Nord Fiete arrived early for his first shift at Shell’s City Nord site, pleased that he felt better after drinking less the day before. His supervisor greeted him warmly, issued an oversized uniform, and explained his night route. Fiete received a gas pistol and a fixed-blade knife, equipment that made the role feel authoritative despite his uncertainty about what the job would demand. Borrowed Authority The uniform changed how Fiete saw himself. He studied his reflection and imagined that he had become a person entrusted with responsibility rather than one of the neglected drinkers of St. Pauli. Yet his sense of status rested on clothing and a borrowed post, not on any lasting change in his habits. The new job gave him a structure that he wanted to believe would rescue him.

A Promise to Stay Sober

Routine as an Attempted Rescue Work and Reduced Drinking Fiete believed that the night schedule would keep him away from the taverns and automatically reduce his drinking. He set himself a rule not to drink while on duty and imagined that he now belonged among respectable working people. After his shift, he limited himself, at least at first, to a modest amount of beer and liquor before going to bed. The Return of Temptation The new routine gave him a reason to plan ordinary activities, including a harbor tour, a visit to the television tower, and a trip to the zoo. He also began to imagine visiting a dentist and dressing more appropriately. These plans reflected genuine longing, but their fragile foundation became clear when a social evening at work introduced alcohol back into his nights.

The Birthday That Breaks the Rule

A Social Night Reopens the Door A Workplace Invitation Fiete was invited to celebrate Helga Denningsen’s birthday with her husband, Erich Denningsen. He initially refused alcohol, but accepted beer and brandy as the group drank, played dice, and listened to music. The convivial evening gave him an experience of welcome that he had rarely known at work. Drinking Replaces the Plan After the visitors left, Fiete tried to outrun the alcohol during his patrol, fearful that his supervisor might discover what he had done. The next night, the remaining beer and brandy proved harder to refuse than his promise to himself. Boredom and access to liquor defeated the rule he had treated as the foundation of his recovery, exposing how quickly his new professional identity could be undermined.

Normal Life on a Schedule

A Program of Firsts Ordinary Activities Fiete continued attempting the routines he associated with a normal life. He bought blue clothes, visited Hamburg’s television tower, and went to the zoo despite a hangover and difficulties navigating the journey. The outings let him notice details he normally missed, but they also made him feel conspicuous and out of place among families and other visitors. Progress Without Stability He remained capable of completing planned activities, yet a lapse in drinking could still dominate the days around them. His new work and occasional excursions offered structure, not recovery. As his hopes became entangled with Helga and his drinking continued, the ordinary life he imagined proved less like a settled destination than a precarious role he could not reliably sustain.

Before Fiete’s appointment at Shell

June 20, 1974, Fiete’s first Shell shift

The first weeks after starting the night-watch job

July 13, 1974, during Helga Denningsen’s birthday celebration

The weeks after the birthday, before Fiete’s assault on Helga